New Dimensions

Should you keep dealing the people the way you have been dealing with them throughout your life? I don't think that this kind of an attitude may help you pass a peaceful life. Enough is enough. Let me show my attitude. I am what I am.

Once again I am at the same place where I came about 4 times last year. It's Karachi, one of my favourite cities (only in winters). Weather is good, as expected. Visit is short, as usual. Program will be nice, InshaAllah. Let see what dreams come today.

Breaking Bad Habits

Bad habits can be like an addictive drug—poisonous and tough to beat. The beginning of the year is the perfect time to make a goal to rid yourself of your destructive behaviors—whether your goal be to eliminate all of them or whether it be to take baby steps in that direction. Start by becoming aware of the habits in your life you could do away with and recognize your life is better off without them. Make realistic goals and reward yourself for achieving them. Isn’t it about time you grew your nails out, stopped blaming others for a bad situation, and actually took your makeup off before going to bed?

Bad Habit #1:
Nail Biting

Nail biting is called an anxiety stress reducer—it’s something you do to make your stress go away. People are just looking for something to do to reduce their stress. If it works, they might do it again next time. But when the stressor is gone, the habit is still exists because of reinforcement, and your poor fingernails are chewed down to non-existence.

How to fix it: The solution is to divert from something you find undesirable (like nail biting)... to something else. Pick something that’s a substitute that doesn’t have a negative outcome. Do that more positive substitute regularly as well. You might also try painting your fingernails or getting a manicure; that way, every time you’re tempted to gnaw on your nails, you’ll think twice about wasting the time and money you put into them. You might also use a special polish with a foul taste, which will certainly remind you to keep your fingers away from your mouth
Bad Habit #2:
Perfectionism
As a culture, we are encouraged to always do our best. Even at a young age, we get the message to be perfect from our parents. We think mistakenly that we are accepted only after doing something right, like earning straight A’s. Perfectionism is a lifestyle issue that often has to do with how you view yourself. Perfectionistic people often find themselves unacceptable if they don’t do everything right.

How to fix it: Redefine your self-image so it is more self-tolerant, reasonable, and flexible. Tell yourself, “I’m okay ‘in process’; it is okay to make mistakes.” Mistakes can be part of learning. They can be stepping stones toward growth. Try to remember life is a growing process, and don’t expect to be fixed the first time you try. Give yourself time limits for projects so you don’t spend unreasonable amounts of time doing something until it’s just right. Try letting some unimportant things in your life go. Let the dishes pile up in the sink. You’ll see that the world doesn’t come to an end, and that some things just aren’t that important. It’s okay not be perfect in all aspects of your life; in fact, it’s normal.

Bad Habit #3:
Late-Night Snacking
Eating late at night is the result of one of two motivations; one is physiological, like not getting enough to eat in the day. If you don’t eat a balanced breakfast your body is at a deficit at the end of the day. This causes you to crave foods at night in order to make up for the loss. For example, if you don’t eat healthy fat (some nuts or oils), you could crave ice cream or other forms of undesirable fat. When snacking at night, we often fill our bodies with calories but not necessarily nutrient-dense food. Our bodies can’t utilize this energy efficiently while we are sleeping so we store the calories as fat.

You might also be ignoring what your true needs are. We all need primary food which consists of good relationships, religion/spirituality, hobbies, and other things that make us whole. If you don’t nourish yourself with primary foods, you can end up craving comfort foods to compensate.

How to fix it: If you late-night snack because of physiological reasons, make sure you’re getting enough to eat during the day. Discover the best breakfast for yourself. Experiment with different foods for breakfast and document how you respond to it. Are you still hungry? Are you satisfied? Also, you might not be getting enough for lunch, so fill up earlier in the day when your body can still burn calories. If you’re snacking not out of hunger, but out of more emotional reasons, replace your snacks with primary foods. Discover the things you enjoy doing and feed yourself on that level.
Bad Habit #4:
Letting Yourself Go As Life Gets Hectic

Everyone has their own reasons for justifying it—a family that increasingly demands more time, a profession that saps time and energy—but a good majority of people let themselves go as time goes by. You may have stopped working out, started eating more unhealthy foods, or started disregarding care of your outward appearance.

How to fix it: Be healthy for your spouse and children. Obesity and an inactive lifestyle lead to health-related problems that can leave your family distressed and responsible for your lack of self-care. Consider the possible results of your disregard for your body and appearance; providing a good example for your children is, on the most fundamental level, a strong reason to take care of yourself. Finding primary foods is a top priority for couples. If you and your spouse don’t participate in activities together, you might be eating out of boredom. Discover active hobbies you can enjoy together that foster intimacy and health. Go for a family walk at the end of each day. It makes a difference.

Bad Habit #5:
Pointing the Finger

Anything that goes wrong in your life is someone else’s fault, naturally. Problems, hardships, even your own character flaws are much easier to blame on other people than actually admitting you did something wrong. People who project blame very often feel shame for having negative qualities and do whatever they can to distract themselves from noticing their own flaws, but they’re only in denial.

How to fix it: Adopt the mantra of The Buck Stops Here. You are in charge of your own life, and while outside events can have an impact on you, only you have the choice of how to deal with them. Admit your mistakes. Apologize when you’re in the wrong. Recognize your shortcomings, and take responsibility for them.

Bad Habit #6:
Gossiping

Once you hear something juicy, you’re just bursting to tell someone else, regardless of whether it’s harmful or even true. Gossiping is how a lot of people connect with each other. This is just how we fit in. But by gossiping, you give place for negativity within yourself and project it on another person, and you are probably destroying trust and relationships.

How to fix it: Be conscious of it. Some people make it a goal to leave the conversation when gossiping occurs. Others make a commitment to say only good things and make their decision known to others. Be aware of your conversation topics, and if they turn into gossip, change the subject.

Bad Habit #7:
Laziness

Laziness is a standard enough habit; it’s hard to be motivated about mundane and boring things. But you may want to take a second look at your laziness, because it can be an indicator for something larger. A lot of people think they lack motivation, but they really lack passion or inspiration. When we’re working on something that matters, laziness doesn’t even come into play.

How to fix it: Laziness could be a sign that something is not important to you. If you’re lazy about doing your job, you could be in the wrong business. Find the things in your life that you’re lazy about and decide whether they really should be in your life or not. But there are always things that are necessary, like chores, that most people are more than willing to be lazy about doing. For those things, find a way to see it as a way to contribute to your life’s purpose; it can make those things much easier to do.

Bad Habit #8:
Slouching

Slouching could be a habit formed through lack of self-esteem, sitting in poorly supported chairs, or out of laziness. And, it can cause serious problems. It stretches some muscles and tightens others. It puts extra stress on joints and muscles. Numbers says slouching can ultimately lead to headaches, a deformed spine, and disc problems and injuries.

How to fix it: Staying fit and getting a daily aerobic exercise of twenty to thirty minute can significantly improve posture. Take a brisk walk, or do yoga and Pilates to strengthen your core and back muscles. But first, like all bad habits, you have to be actively aware of your bad posture and sit up straight every time you notice yourself slouching.

Bad Habit #9:
Sleeping with Makeup On

You’ve had a long day—make that a long past five years—and you’re so tired that washing your face takes too much effort, so you just go to bed with your makeup on. This is bad news for your skin. Most foundations have a lot of oils, fragrant fillers, and dyes, which are very harmful to the skin. It contributes to acne breakouts, and to oily skin, causing enlarged pores. Pollution and smog also collect on your face during the day and can contribute to premature aging.

How to fix it: Your face needs to be cleansed morning and night. Whatever routine you do morning and night, just take two seconds to cleanse your face. It’s not really time consuming. The whole skin care regimen, like cleansing, toning, and applying other products sold to you as must-haves, isn’t necessary for most. Just a quick cleanse will do wonders for your skin.

Bad Habit #10:
Technology Addiction

You may feel the need to be connected to your social network 24/7, and thanks to cell phones, text messaging, and e-mail, it’s possible. But the problem is, you don’t know when to stop. You text while talking to other people, you check your e-mail every five minutes (even when you’re not expecting something), and talk on your cell phone while driving, despite the danger to yourself and others. (A Harvard study in 2005 estimated that 330,000 people are injured and 2,600 people are killed in cell phone related accidents each year.) You feel anxious without your phone and don’t know what to do with yourself when you don’t have it.

How to fix it: Try to remember that technology is only a tool, not an extension of your life.

Texting: Consider how much your relationships could be strengthened if your conversations were in person or even over the phone, rather than through a text. If you like to text late at night, leave your phone in the other room when you go to bed. Give yourself a daily limit of texts sent and received, and when you reach it, stop.

E-mail: It’s an indispensable tool, it’s true, but limit yourself to checking it spontaneously every two hours during business, and only once after you get home. You’ll be more productive and free to enjoy your time.

Cell Phone: Keep your phone in your purse or pocket while you drive and resist the temptation to call others or answer a call until you get out of your car. That way you’ll be able to focus on driving, and give the person your full attention during the conversation.
Wish me lots of luck...

Back again

Three months is such a long long vacation time for students though they don't seem to be satisfied on first day of studies. Second term started today and seeing the faces of the students reminded me my own student life. They were sitting with blank faces unless the ice was broken by some discussion about vacation and then about the movies they watched. Any how, let's hope for the best in the days to come.

The Lost Paradise

It was not unexpected reaction after a careless address of a "responsible" person, but I'm really amazed to see how quick a magic wand can extinguish burning flames. While talking to some the friends and other people in Karachi, I came to the conclusion that people believe in unconfirmed news (specially those which match their mindset). They think more on ethnic basis than on merit. Commenting on different news items also depends upon mindset. Conspiracy theories are very common and overall people are confused even they talk about civil war in such a normal way that shows their ignorance about at least the long lasting effects, if not the meaning. I wish people could think with their own mind and not with the taboos they have been living with for quite some time. I wish the change could also come with the same speed with which the burning flames turn into flowers. I dream of a happy and peaceful future after passing the road of dialogue and tolerance. I dream of the same paradise which we had lost after tasting the forbidden fruit of hatred. Do we have the will to get the lost paradise back??

One month with many lessons

The month of June came and went. my visit to my hometown Quetta taught me many new things. Firstly, the love of family is more precious than any other thing. Mother, brothers and sisters gave me the love that I can never forget.
Secondly, parents, even after their death, do pray for their children. For one of my biggest problems, I requested baba on his grave and the same evening problem resolved. Is it a coincidence that it was resolved through one of his friends?
Thirdly, some apparently innocent people may prove to be your worst enemies. If you are not careful, they may play many tricks to deceive you.
And the last but not the least is, if you have faith in Allah and your intention is clear, then no matter how much time it takes, but your problems and worries will be over.

BU ADAM BENIM BABAM (this man is my father)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AERizSDvPdk 
(A very famous Turkish song which is sung in remembrance of late father. 1st death anniversary of my father is coming this month. Missing him too much. I love you baba. I love you too much)

Bu adam benim babam, sekiz köşe kasketiyle )
This man is my father, with his octagonal cab
2 Omuzunda sakosuyla hey )
with a traditional coat on his shoulders hey

Cebinde yok parası, bafradır cıgarası
Doesn’t have any money in his pocket, smokes bafra* cigarettes
Yüreğindedir yarası
In his heart there is a wound
Altı çocuk büyütmüş, bir işci maaşıyla
He raised six children on a minimum wage
Bu adam benim babam hey
This man is my father hey

Ağlama benim babam, ağlama naçar babam
Don’t cry my father, don’t cry my powerless father
Kara gün geçer babam hey
Difficult days will be over father
Bir kapıyı kapayan, gene açar babam
If a door closes another opens father
Ağlama benim babam hey
Don’t cry my father hey

Ağlama mazlum babam, ağlama naçar babam
Don’t cry my modest father, don’t cry my powerless father
Kara gün geçer babam hey
Difficult days will be over father
Bir kapıyı kapayan, gene açar babam
If a door closes another opens father
Allah büyük babam hey
The God is great father hey**

Bu adam benim babam, derdi dağlardan büyük ) 2
This man is my father, his problems are greater than the mountains
Çaresiz beli bükük hey )
He has no way out, he is hopeless hey

Bir gün olsun gülmemiş, rahat nedir bilmemiş
He never had a smile, never knew what comfort means
Gözyaşını silmemiş
He couldn’t wipe off his tears
Bir lokma ekmek için, kimseye eğilmemiş
He never sacrificed his pride for a piece of bread
Bu adam benim babam hey
This is my father hey

Ağlama arslan babam, dert etme naçar babam
Don’t cry my lion*** father, don’t worry my powerless father
Kara gün geçer babam hey
Difficult days will be over my father hey
Bir kapıyı kapayan, gene açar babam
If a door closes another opens father
Allah büyüktür babam hey
The God is great father hey

Şiir (the poem)
Benim babam mert adamdı, mangal gibi yüreği
My father was a brave man, his heart is like a rock
Yufka gibi kalbi vardı, hayatım boyunca ona özendim
yet it was tender like a pastry, all my life I idealized him
Fedakârdı bir dikili ağacı olmadı belki
He was selfless, and thus didn’t even have a tree of his own
Ama kendisi, onuruyla yaşayan koskoca bir çınardı
But he himself was like a well-rooted plane-tree with loads of pride
Üstümde ki kol kanat, sırtımı yasladığım dağ gibiydi
He was like the wings of mine, like the mountain I leaned on
Ben babamın oğluyum, tepeden tırnağa anadoluyum
I am the son of my father, from tip to toe I am the Anatolia....

* a very cheap brand of cigarette
** in Turkish 'hey' doesnt mean 'hello' like it does in English, it means 'come on' but in this song it expresses the singers grief.
*** lion: means as brave and authoritative as a lion. Its a common expression..